4 Ways to Keep Chronic Pain From Straining Your Friendships

Sometimes talking to loved ones about your chronic pain might make you feel even worse than keeping it to yourself, adding to the sense of isolation you may already be experiencing. Here’s advice on how to deal with family issues from those who have experienced them firsthand as patients.

Help your friends help you

Dealing with chronic pain can be challenging, and it’s important to have a support system that understands and respects your needs. As Jen Singer, a cancer survivor, suggests, people’s reactions to your pain may vary, and it’s important to focus on how they can support you rather than analyzing their motives.

Communicating openly with your family and friends about your pain and how you would like to be treated can be helpful. Letting them know your preferences when you’re feeling relatively well can ensure that they understand how to support you when the pain becomes more intense. Whether you need space, assistance with certain tasks, or simply someone to listen, expressing your needs can help your loved ones provide the support you require.

Remember that everyone’s response to pain is unique, and it’s essential to establish open and honest communication to foster understanding and support from those around you.

Understand why it may be difficult for them

Some people just can’t handle a person in pain. "People really don’t want to be around sick people," says Steven Feinberg, MD, a past president of the American Academy of Pain Medicine.

"When someone is ill you feel sorry for them. But we’re all busy," Dr. Feinberg says. "We say we care and things like that but the reality is, except for our immediate family, we don’t want to be reminded of our own mortality."

At the same time that friends may be pulling away, you may not have the energy to pull them back. "If you’re in chronic pain, you don’t have the physical strength," explains Dr. Feinberg. "You’re irritable—and people don’t want to be around you. So you start losing relationships."

Find ways to work friends in

Shelley Kirkpatrick’s experience highlights the importance of open communication and understanding in maintaining relationships while managing chronic pain. By helping her friends and family understand the limitations that fibromyalgia imposes on her daily life, she was able to find ways to adapt activities to her energy levels.

Adapting plans and scheduling activities that accommodate her needs allowed Kirkpatrick to continue engaging with her loved ones while respecting her physical limitations. This collaborative approach not only helps her manage her condition but also strengthens the support system around her.

Finding a balance between participating in activities and managing fatigue is essential for individuals with chronic pain. It requires open and honest communication with loved ones, as well as their willingness to be flexible and understanding.

By working together and making small adjustments to plans, individuals like Kirkpatrick can continue to enjoy meaningful social interactions while managing their chronic pain. This approach promotes inclusivity, support, and empathy within relationships, fostering a sense of understanding and companionship.

If all else fails, be your own best friend

Rebecca Rengo’s perspective sheds light on the challenges faced by individuals with chronic pain in seeking validation and understanding from others. She emphasizes the importance of self-validation and self-support, recognizing that it can be difficult for others to fully comprehend the experience of chronic pain.

Rather than investing time and energy in trying to convince others to understand their pain, Rengo encourages individuals to focus on providing themselves with the support and validation they seek. This self-empowering approach acknowledges the unique nature of chronic pain and the importance of self-care.

By cultivating self-compassion and self-validation, individuals with chronic pain can develop a stronger sense of resilience and inner strength. This allows them to navigate their pain journey with greater confidence and self-acceptance, reducing the need for external validation.

While support from others is valuable, Rengo’s perspective highlights the significance of self-advocacy and self-acknowledgment in the face of chronic pain. It encourages individuals to prioritize their own well-being and emotional needs, fostering a sense of empowerment and self-worth.