My Financial Anxiety Led to an Adult ADHD Diagnosis

My parents and I never broached the topic of mental illness when I was growing up. Unfortunately, that’s not commonplace, and it’s not limited to the Latinx community.

I didn’t know what was causing my anxiety as a child, and at 16 I tried suicide because I was so anxious about not doing well in school and disappointing my parents. When I went to rehab at age 29 for alcohol abuse, I was also told that I had generalized anxiety disorder.

I was taken completely by surprise by this. Didn’t everyone constantly think the worst possible things will happen and worry excessively about everything? It would appear not. I sought help and am still seeing a therapist regularly. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was missing something. It’s possible to experience difficulties in life even if you don’t have a mental disease, and I did. Still, I had my doubts.

Even though I had awful perinatal anxiety during my pregnancy and gave birth in the beginning of the epidemic, this summer I endured the worst anxiety I had ever felt.

We had taken on some extra financial obligations as a result of some major life changes, such as our relocation from Florida to Colorado. Because of stress about money, I became exhausted at work and unable to concentrate for weeks. I went to the doctor thinking maybe I just needed a higher dose of the anxiety medicine I’d been taking after giving baby, but instead I was given a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

Later-in-life ADHD diagnosis

When I was 29, I was diagnosed with anxiety, and when I was 35, I was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. After chatting to a few people who share my condition, I found that I was not alone in receiving my news so late in life.

"For most people, ADHD symptoms arise during childhood," David Mou, MD, MBA, chief medical officer of online mental health business Cerebral, tells Health. Research is beginning to show that some people won’t have symptoms until much later in life, though. It’s also conceivable that you’ve had symptoms of ADHD your whole life and that they only got worse after a crisis because not all children with ADHD are properly recognized and treated.

It’s hard to tell from my early memories if I had any indications of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Symptoms must have been "present prior to age 12 years" according to the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for ADHD. But my hazy recollection of my youth isn’t proof that I’ve made the wrong diagnosis. Instead, it may imply that I, without conscious intention, adapted various coping techniques over the course of my life.

Christy Duan, MD, a private practice psychiatrist in New York City, tells Health, "there are many intelligent, capable people with ADHD who have managed their symptoms alone with strategies developed over time." The coping mechanisms that individual with ADHD has developed over time may be rendered useless in the face of a crisis or a tipping point. At this time, a person with ADHD may decide to get evaluated by a professional and receive a diagnosis.

Some of the difficulties I’ve experienced as an adult seem fairly typical of those of a person with this neurodivergent illness, but I didn’t go to the doctor because I suspected ADHD and wanted an exam.

"In adulthood, clients seek therapy with stories of having difficulty maintaining employment or having persistent interpersonal difficulties," says Michelle Hintz, PsyD, MT-BC, owner and executive director of the Cadenza Center for Psychotherapy & the Arts, to Health. Some people have trouble keeping on schedule, doing tasks in a timely manner, and generally living up to expectations of productivity. Some people have trouble paying close enough attention to detail when doing jobs, having direct discussions, and keeping track of their belongings. And don’t forget how easily distracted you are, or how much time you squander on pointless activities.

One of the difficulties she identifies for individuals with ADHD is inhibition, or the inability to resist temptation. She lists distractions like checking your phone at a red light as an example (something that many without ADHD struggle with, too).

Getting an ADHD diagnosis was like finally having an explanation for my lifelong problems with self-control and self-discipline, two additional common symptoms of the disorder. When may I have gotten a diagnosis?

Why do women go undiagnosed?

Unfortunately, sexism was determined to be the cause. "Parents, educators, and clinicians also have a harder time recognizing ADHD symptoms in girls," Dr. Duan explains. signs of impulsivity and hyperactivity are easier to identify than signs of inattention, which are more common among girls and women. It’s simpler to identify a child with hyperactivity than one with more subtle symptoms of inattention, for instance.

A licensed professional counselor and certified life coach in private practice in Boulder, Colorado named Leah Kaplan tells Health that a combination of factors, including the fact that ADHD manifests differently depending on sex at birth, the fact that women tend to be misdiagnosed with depression or anxiety, and the fact that women tend to exhibit less traditional hyperactive behaviors (like trouble sitting still and disruptive behaviors), may lead to more women getting a diagnosis later in life.

"Some well-intentioned but misinformed physicians and psychologists will attribute a person’s general life difficulties to worry and/or the need to strive harder (create a list! Health talks to certified life coach and host of the I Have ADHD podcast Kristen Carder, who recommends this book as a means to better organization. Infidelity, financial hardship, severe depression, job loss, or "shit hitting the fan in higher academics, like a bachelor’s or master’s degree," are just some of the reasons why Carder’s clients receive an ADHD diagnosis later in life.

After becoming a mother during the epidemic and facing great financial difficulty, I felt like "shit hit the fan," as Carder puts it, and it all "makes so much sense."

It takes a lot of executive functioning and the ability to multitask, says Carder, a mom. "You have to handle not just yourself (which is difficult enough), but also other people. A’successful,’ well-functioning, and joyful home requires the ability to manage time, maintain attention, control emotions, organize, prioritize, plan, and employ working memory.

Hintz concurs. Women with ADHD frequently feel "scattered" and nervous as adults due to conflicting demands and interruptions, she says. "The expectation that people with ADHD should be expert multitaskers is incredibly frustrating," one of my female adult clients said.

Hintz adds that it might be especially difficult for women with ADHD to meet the cultural demands placed on them to have successful careers while still being caring wives and mothers.

Being a mother has been all-encompassing and overwhelming for me. I blamed myself for failing as a mother for a long time before I got my diagnosis. Now that I know I have ADHD, I understand that it is a major contributor to the difficulties I’ve had as a parent. According to Carder, "just making a meal or getting your kids to school on time requires a lot of planning, organization, memory, focus, and time management." One parent said, "Unfortunately, ADHDers are deficient in every single one of those skills needed to keep our house and our kids happy."

Hintz cites the "two steps behind" cycle experienced by adult women with ADHD who are moms as a contributing factor to our preoccupation with thoughts of inadequacy. "As expected," Hintz continues, "women with ADHD have a much higher prevalence of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem than those without."

What comes after diagnosis?

I have no idea whether disorder, my ADHD or my anxiety, emerged first. The anxiety I had before giving birth or the exhaustion I felt before my ADHD diagnosis are both feelings I hope to never experience again. That’s why I take medicine for both attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and generalized anxiety. However, the choice of medication is always a delicate one.

Supplements, lifestyle modifications, and working with an ADHD coach may be the best course of action for certain people who have been diagnosed with ADHD. Working with a therapist educated in somatic (body-based) modalities, talk therapy, or individual or group coaching is recommended by Elizabeth Brink, a neurodivergent coach at Thriving Sister Coaching.

"ADHD coaches are trained to help people understand their neurobiology and guide in exploring ways to support themselves based on their unique needs," she tells Health. According to my observations, "people who have done some work in therapy usually get more out of the coaching partnership in furthering their self-discovery and acceptance."

But in the end, just having a diagnosis may be a tremendous success, regardless of what course of therapy is sought. "I was finally diagnosed with ADHD in my mid-20s, after struggling for many years to adapt to the expectations that came with adulthood," Sam Dylan Finch, an ADHD coach and writer who thought they were "bad" at adulting before acquiring their diagnosis, tells Health. As an adult suffering with untreated ADHD, "chaos was the name of the game. Feeling like I was just lazy, inept, or both was incredibly alienating and infuriating. Having a diagnosis and realizing that I wasn’t alone in my struggles was a great weight off my shoulders.

Upon receiving my diagnosis, I, like Dylan Finch, felt a sense of relief at having an explanation for why I find some tasks so incredibly challenging. However, with the help of my doctor and therapist, I am beginning to come to terms with my ADHD and accept myself as I am.

"I have to adapt to the brain that I have, rather than the one that I’d like to have," says Dylan Finch, "which means radically embracing the quirky, annoying, and even frustrating parts of having ADHD."

As someone who is still learning, I am being patient with myself.