Ask Amy: Blood-pressure check leads to awkward arm-to-bosom contact

Dear Amy: I’m a man and getting mixed responses from the women in my life over a recent visit to my doctor for a medical exam.

It is not the first time this has happened, but it continues to be an awkward situation for me.

My visit starts, as usual, with the heart rate and blood pressure check. I’m asked to put my arm on the table toward the person doing the exam.

In my latest exam, my hand bumped up against the lady’s bosom as she positioned the cuff for the blood pressure check.

I asked some of the women in my life how to respond when this happens.

Do I leave my arm where she positioned it or move it away subtly and politely to spare us embarrassment? Then again, is it just me?

My wife said the woman taking my blood pressure probably couldn’t feel it.

My daughter-in-law thinks I should move it.

Anything I do would seem awkward.

Point me in the right direction, Amy.

— A Bit Shy in Montana

Dear Shy: The person measuring your blood pressure is placing your arm for the optimal position for this part of the exam. My instinct is that she/he does this many times a day and doesn’t necessarily notice occasional body-brushes.

However — this makes you uncomfortable, and so you should either instinctively move your arm slightly or say, “Excuse me, can I shift my arm a little bit?”

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Dear Amy: “Carlos” and I are both volunteers in an arts organization.

Before knowing him well, I emailed him a photograph I entered into two juried exhibitions. The photo was chosen both times and has been exhibited.

Carlos lists himself as a photographer, which is why I chose to share it.

He wrote back, asking if I’d ever heard of Photoshop.

He then sent me his Photoshopped version of my photo along with an explanation of how he had “fixed” it.

I didn’t respond. It didn’t have anything to do with our volunteer work, so I let it go.

Then, another person sent him two photographs for us to use in publicizing an event for our organization.

Carlos replied to that person, cc’ing me, and sent her his photoshopped versions of her photos.

He then asked me to use those photos, and provided a text he authored that I was to copy and paste verbatim, in a social media post. (I alone handle social media posts for the organization.)

I’m not using a photoshopped picture. I’m insulted for the photographer. And I’m also not using his text.

Once again, I just ignored his email, but I want this to stop.

The posts I make for our events get very good responses. Our event turnout is improving.

Any advice?

— Frustrated Volunteer

Dear Frustrated: Returning an original photo to the photographer in a photoshopped state is extremely disrespectful.

“Fixing” any creator’s work is completely inappropriate. Also … illegal. Following is language published on the US Copyright Office website (copyright.gov):

“Your work is under copyright protection the moment it is created and fixed in a tangible form that it is perceptible either directly or with the aid of a machine or device.”

This means that you own the copyright to any work you create, and any use or alteration by someone other than you violates the copyright.

If this happens again, you should respond: “Please don’t photoshop any photographer’s original work — other than your own. As a photographer yourself, you know that choices made by photographers are intentional and don’t need “fixing.” Photos are protected by copyright and are the property of the photographer. Using photoshopped work could result in legal trouble for our organization. Thank you for understanding.”

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Dear Amy: I agree wholeheartedly with your response to “Baffled in Boston,” the younger brother who had been bullied by his big brother.

I had a “perfect” older sister who took full advantage of my more-emotional personality, often ending with me getting into trouble.

My mom and I were with her at the end of her life, and one time when Mom was out of the room she shared some memories of her youth and how she’d resented me for being “the child our parents had wanted.”

She was conceived before they were married, and she had always felt she couldn’t possibly live up to their expectations.

That half-hour conversation gave me closure on years of resentment, along with a ton of love and compassion for her.

— Wishing She Were Still Here

Dear Wishing: I’m feeling it, too. Thank you.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

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